It’s not the meditation and it’s not the yoga. It’s not the jamu, it’s not the fruits and it’s not Bali or Indonesia.

It’s much more, it’s the sum of it all together. I don’t want to call it holistic, because it’s not, but the mind working together with the body, is important and finally I am starting to feel a bit(!) better.

Self-Hatred and beautiful Encounters

I hate nazis, I hate my disease, I hate changes, I hate bad people, I hate lies, I hate people with extreme positions… I hate many things these times, but maybe most of all I hate myself. To heal, I think it is important for me to realize this.

Hm… Easy said, no?

Yes, this is not easy to do (and probably not easy to understand!) but I am working on that. By trying to be a better person than I had been most of my life. For this I am using a lot of self-reflection, a lot of thinking, meditation and, last but not least, a lot of swimming.

What are your beautiful Encounters?

On good days, where my personal sky turns from black to blue, I valuate my encounters different. I started to see beauty in people and even in situations I haven’t seen any kind of beauty earlier.

This is good, no? 

Realizing this is definitely good, yes., but its a freakin long and hard way to profoundly change ones thinking and still I am only at the very beginning.

Mamut Menteng

The phrase “Mamut Menteng” is in Dayak-language and means “good and brave” and “courageous”, which sums up pretty good how I have to feel about my plans.

At the moment I am still very sick, but Mamut Menteng to me became a phrase that I am repeating to myself quite often as kind of my own mantra.

In Kalimantan it is even a classic, kind of national song about independence and almost every child can sing it. So I decided its a good slogan for my own Kalimantan-“Project”.

What I gave up

I gave up the hope to find a good traditional healer who knows a certain trick how to heal Multiple Sclerosis. Neither the trick nor the healer do exist. Neither modern science will ever find an “Anti-MS-Pill”.

In my opinion nothing like that will ever exist.

But I am sure…

…the answer is just lying within me. Like Made-Oka and Dewa already said, I have to heal my mind and the body will follow. It not even has to last super long, but it will take some time.

Why am I going to Kalimantan then?

In short: I hope this experience and the healing people there will blow and reset my mind.

The End of an Illusion?

No! Still I am not healthy, but maybe Bali is just a part of my way. My incredibly friendly, relatively new neighbors here in Denpasar don’t speak English, but thanks to my rudimentary knowledge of Bahasa and the almighty “Google-Translator” I got invited to heal at the place where they are coming from, a place I never heard of before: the city of Palangkaraya in Kalimantan.

But we thought its just in your Head?

True and I got confirmed in thinking that in Bali in so many ways. The problem is, my head is too stubborn. Despite swimming, Meditation and steadily trying to change my way of thinking, I am still having many problems that are coming along with my Multiple Sclerosis. I suffer from insomnia, depression, problems with physical coordination and really bad walking.

I am hoping for nothing less than a Reset in my Brain

Kalimantan and Palangkaraya seem to be  very special places (not only!) in terms of healing. I don’t know anybody who has ever been there and the healing-knowledge is very ancient. Even the very local way I am living here, seems very westernized to me compared to Kalimantan.