Again: I can see the way

MS isn´t expainable. Nobody knows where its coming from, nobody knows where it may lead to, nobody knows how hard he or she will suffer from it. Maybe the biggest and most important enlightenment I learned in that year in Bali now, is that its affected hugely by ones mindset.

So how do I change my mindset?

Hm. Easier said than done. But I think meditation and learning to love oneself are a good way to start.

Simply meditate and we get healthy again?

Unfortunately no, but it helps. Many other steps have to be done.

Lies and broken promises?

I really like my actual place and I don’t want to complain. I also like my actual housekeeper and maybe it is just his Indonesian attitude to only tell me what he thinks I like to hear, but the sheer amount of lies and broken promises starts to take overhand.

I don’t know how long I can take this

To give you some (only a few selection) ideas what I am talking about. His daughter told me “I am here everyday” – I haven’t seen her since Nyepi.

Okay. He told me “I will clean your room as often as you want”. When I asked yesterday he said “I will clean your room tomorrow”=today. Nothing happened.

5 or 6 weeks ago I asked him for a sign at the road, pointing at our villa. As GoJek- and Grabcar-drivers often seem to have problems finding it. Nothing happened so far.

Around the same time I asked for a roof over my porch, because it is a real slippery underwater-zone after a hard rain which is falling down here every day nowadays. Guess what! Nothing happened.

Is it just me?

Not getting adjusted to the Indonesian speed of life? I don’t know…

No Conspiracy-Bullshit Pt. III

Things started to get a bit… unusual at the Imigrasi. I texted the number I got from Nenggah, hoped for the best and went to the Imigrasi on my scooter relatively early in the morning.

The Imigrasi is feared and often hated by many expats. Long waiting queues and a feeling one is completly helpless to the quite spontaneous decisions of authorative people in a still fairly unknown country.

Imigrasi Renon

Okay, but so far nothing unusual, no?

It started when I sat on my chair in the waiting queue. I was quite tired and afraid of the things I knew that would happen soon, with all the people I neither knew nor understood. Insecure, scared and overtired.

Suddenly a local man appeared out of nowhere. He smiled all over his face and headed directly towards me. He sat down next to me, kept on smiling and asked me if I was Chris. I confirmed and followed him to the room where ones fingerprints and photos were taken.

From that point it started to get unusual

With the greatest polite- and friendlyness the people in the photo-room helped me to sit down and even handed the fingerprint-scanner to me. Smiling all the time and showing their best manners and behavior, so I got to be back where I had parked my scooter after max. 5 minutes.

Normally it takes around 2-3 hours for this process. When I left the building, the security even opened the door for me. When I was looking for the scooter, 2 men in uniform stopped me and pointed on my scooter which already stood there, held by 2 other men in uniform.

So I just had to sit on it, turn around the key and drive home. Felt a bit like valet-parking. So my first rough calculation was that I might be back around 12, but in fact I was home around 9:30a.m.. after a nice and pleasant trip to the Imigrasi.

It ain´t easy

Oh my god, its freakin hard to change ones thinking. There are many, many times when I think of choosing the easier way, giving up and booking the next plane back to Europe. Mostly its the loneliness that is killing me. Despite all the beautiful encounters.

I am alone and it was only my decision

Nobody to blame for, it was only me who decided that. I didn’t expect it to be so hard.

Probably I feel my depression now more than ever, but I know after bad days, there are good days again. I just have to stay strong.