I felt it earlier but only today I can see it clearly as a morning sun on the sky and realizing this almost makes me feel enlightened.
Trying to walk 5 km every day is wrong
Doing yoga for several hours a day is wrong, even meditating 5 hours every day might be wrong. Trying to adjust to such a far away and different culture within a month or even a year is wrong.
It won’t work
I have to do it constantly little by little. Maybe that could be a reason for my Multiple Sclerosis coming up too. Of course one has to build a house within a limited period, of course one has to fix the old broken-down family-car relatively soon or it will become unrepairable over time, but MS? Such a huge, widely mysterious disease with such a variety of symptoms?
Can MS be healed within some months or years?
I don’t think so or better “I am sure it can’t”. Its a constant effort with many struggles and trials and errors. Maybe constance is the key.
Constance gives us the progress
The progress we all are looking for and that we need so much. Its the baby-steps from meditating 2 minutes a day in the beginning, increasing it on some more minutes when you feel for it and more important “stay with it”. Starting yoga with 3 postures and adding more postures when I feel like it, but I have to constantly keep doing it. At some point we will start to improve.
Life is a circle and from time to time it starts closing. I don’t get why, but I´d give a lot to understand.
This sounds esoteric, are you going insane?
I don’t know what a psychiatrist would diagnose me, but I know my horizon has widened enormous in the 13 months that I am in Bali now. I realize so much and I am working on understanding and accepting things. Maybe more than ever before in my life.
What about the circle now?
Yesterday I spoke with a friend about my admiration for Werner Herzog. He listened carefully and interested. Than he told about a fascinating documentary he had recently seen about the dark times of Suharto reigning in Indonesia by the name “The act of Killing” and guess what? Werner Herzog co-produced it.
Maybe its just me and a decent form of paranoia, but I think Bali changes quite fast and not to a better. All the lies, all the business, all the broken promises and everything else that came along corrupted that once so beauty- and peaceful island.
I blame money as the root of all evil and decided to move on. The island of my choice so far is Sumba.
MS isn´t expainable. Nobody knows where its coming from, nobody knows where it may lead to, nobody knows how hard he or she will suffer from it. Maybe the biggest and most important enlightenment I learned in that year in Bali now, is that its affected hugely by ones mindset.
So how do I change my mindset?
Hm. Easier said than done. But I think meditation and learning to love oneself are a good way to start.
Simply meditate and we get healthy again?
Unfortunately no, but it helps. Many other steps have to be done.
I really like my actual place and I don’t want to complain. I also like my actual housekeeper and maybe it is just his Indonesian attitude to only tell me what he thinks I like to hear, but the sheer amount of lies and broken promises starts to take overhand.
I don’t know how long I can take this
To give you some (only a few selection) ideas what I am talking about. His daughter told me “I am here everyday” – I haven’t seen her since Nyepi.
Okay. He told me “I will clean your room as often as you want”. When I asked yesterday he said “I will clean your room tomorrow”=today. Nothing happened.
5 or 6 weeks ago I asked him for a sign at the road, pointing at our villa. As GoJek- and Grabcar-drivers often seem to have problems finding it. Nothing happened so far.
Around the same time I asked for a roof over my porch, because it is a real slippery underwater-zone after a hard rain which is falling down here every day nowadays. Guess what! Nothing happened.
Is it just me?
Not getting adjusted to the Indonesian speed of life? I don’t know…