If you ask a local person “Possible?” and the expected answer is as simple as “yes” or “no”, you might not get a true answer. The answer you might get is the answer that the person you asked thinks(!) you want to hear.
Probably its an act of politeness or even respect, but the answer is not necessarily true in a western meaning and I am a westerner.
Let me give you an example
If u ask how a third person is doing and the asked person thinks you are really interested in the wellbeing of the third person, you will probably get the answer “she/he is doing good” – even if the third person is quite sick.
Whats your problem with something minor like this?
My personal problem with such a minor adjustment like this is that I am really having a problem in building up trust and adjustment after adjustment is making it extra-hard for me to trust.
What does this have to do with Multiple Sclerosis?
The MS shook me in my foundations. The diagnosis literally took away the base that I was standing on and left me in a free fall. Loosing something quite essential like my ability to walk, slowing down my previously rather eloquent tongue and so much more.
So I long for trust – maybe more than ever before in my life.
Sumba is different to Bali. The climate is more rough, meaning its less humid, hotter in daytime and colder in the night. Maybe its the climate that also affect the people here. A darker skin, a slightly more aboriginal look and definitely less western people. In fact I haven’t seen one yet.
I mean Gurujus way out of this disease, but on days like today, I am afraid of not being strong enough. “Show compassion”, “learn to love yourself” and meditate.
Sounds easy, right?
Modern science and personal role-models confirm it and I know all of them are true. The key to it all is in my head but in the last time it all just got too much. I feel like I can’t stand it anymore and so often I feel like giving up.
You’re really going back?
Going back to Germany, getting a wheelchair, giving up the sorrows about money, giving up the worries how to get food and going the easy way. At the moment, I really don’t know.
Life is a circle and from time to time it starts closing. I don’t get why, but I´d give a lot to understand.
This sounds esoteric, are you going insane?
I don’t know what a psychiatrist would diagnose me, but I know my horizon has widened enormous in the 13 months that I am in Bali now. I realize so much and I am working on understanding and accepting things. Maybe more than ever before in my life.
What about the circle now?
Yesterday I spoke with a friend about my admiration for Werner Herzog. He listened carefully and interested. Than he told about a fascinating documentary he had recently seen about the dark times of Suharto reigning in Indonesia by the name “The act of Killing” and guess what? Werner Herzog co-produced it.
At least I consider the mindset to be extremely important for me. Do u really want to be healthy again? Are you kinda strong enough? Are you ready to start going the long way? Are you ready to break up with the unhealthy habits that u have built up? Are you ready to change?
How is your answer on all these questions?
Can you answer all these questions with a smile and a loud “yes”?