15 Months

Since 15 months I am here in Bali now. I left my safe European home, left any medical support I could get in Germany, hung out strictly with local people to learn from them why Multiple Sclerosis basically doesn’t exist in Indonesia and how to fight my disease.

I am about to move to the rather remote island of Sumba in July and this are the facts helping me so far the most:

  • Daily meditation helps me better than anything else against spacicity
  • Daily yoga helps me with the pain in my back and the general physical coordination
  • physical exercises from this youtube-channel are good for basically everything

NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT!

Small adjustments of the truth

If you ask a local person “Possible?” and the expected answer is as simple as “yes” or “no”, you might not get a true answer. The answer you might get is the answer that the person you asked thinks(!) you want to hear.

Why?

Probably its an act of politeness or even respect, but the answer is not necessarily true in a western meaning and I am a westerner.

Let me give you an example

If u ask how a third person is doing and the asked person thinks you are really interested in the wellbeing of the third person, you will probably get the answer “she/he is doing good” – even if the third person is quite sick.

Whats your problem with something minor like this?

My personal problem with such a minor adjustment like this is that I am really having a problem in building up trust and adjustment after adjustment is making it extra-hard for me to trust.

What does this have to do with Multiple Sclerosis?

The MS shook me in my foundations. The diagnosis literally took away the base that I was standing on and left me in a free fall. Loosing something quite essential like my ability to walk, slowing down my previously rather eloquent tongue and so much more.

So I long for trust – maybe more than ever before in my life.

It sounded so true and easy

I mean Gurujus way out of this disease, but on days like today, I am afraid of not being strong enough. “Show compassion”, “learn to love yourself” and meditate.

Sounds easy, right?

Modern science and personal role-models confirm it and I know all of them are true. The key to it all is in my head but in the last time it all just got too much. I feel like I can’t stand it anymore and so often I feel like giving up.

You’re really going back?

Going back to Germany, getting a wheelchair, giving up the sorrows about money, giving up the worries how to get food and going the easy way. At the moment, I really don’t know.

The freakin Mindset

At least I consider the mindset to be extremely important for me. Do u really want to be healthy again? Are you kinda strong enough? Are you ready to start going the long way? Are you ready to break up with the unhealthy habits that u have built up? Are you ready to change?

How is your answer on all these questions?

Can you answer all these questions with a smile and a loud “yes”?