Whatever it takes. More than ever.
I will keep you updated.
I mentioned it quite some times already. I am pretty sure I already made big steps in changing my thinking and yes, I am proud on that. I try to think longer before answering, I try to reflect my actions and, maybe most important, I try to forgive and accept.
But so far the theory. In real life I unfortunately struggle a lot with all this. Very often it is easier said than done and its freakin hard, because it means to give up everything, almost all I’ve ever been and many things I thought they were important.
I am still a baby and a beginner on my way.
While I am doing quite good process in my head and strength and flexibility in my upper body, a recent strong cold (as I call it) or “flu” (like local people call it) tied me to my bed the last two weeks and forced me to interrupt my “learning to walk again”-program.
Just some minor and shaky steps in the backyard for the beginning. But hey, its a start, right? Slowly I try to teach my legs how to carry my body again.
Take me as an example. From time to time I realize how sensitive I really am. I am definitely hyper-sensitive. I am sensitive on interactions with other people, I am sensitive on nutrition, I am mega-sensitive on any pharmaceutical product and on and on.
Or did I become so sensitive because of my condition? What was there first, the chicken or the egg?
Basically every other MS-patient I got to know in the years since I got diagnosed 2012 (and over the years these were quite some) had a similar attitude.
Well, I am not. After the second night with few/bad sleep, I was cruising through the beautiful 3rd world-jungle of the island of Sumba on the backseat of a local Ojek-driver (please note, its NOT a Go-jek-driver, it seems to be the precursor) and while I slowly started to realize that I am really knee-deep in an amazingly beautiful environment, I had a hard time not falling off that bike.