I mentioned it quite some times already. I am pretty sure I already made big steps in changing my thinking and yes, I am proud on that. I try to think longer before answering, I try to reflect my actions and, maybe most important, I try to forgive and accept.
For a stubborn Bule like me, life in Indonesia offers many Options for that
But so far the theory. In real life I unfortunately struggle a lot with all this. Very often it is easier said than done and its freakin hard, because it means to give up everything, almost all I’ve ever been and many things I thought they were important.
I am still a baby and a beginner on my way.
While I am doing quite good process in my head and strength and flexibility in my upper body, a recent strong cold (as I call it) or “flu” (like local people call it) tied me to my bed the last two weeks and forced me to interrupt my “learning to walk again”-program.
Today I picked it up again
Just some minor and shaky steps in the backyard for the beginning. But hey, its a start, right? Slowly I try to teach my legs how to carry my body again.
Take me as an example. From time to time I realize how sensitive I really am. I am definitely hyper-sensitive. I am sensitive on interactions with other people, I am sensitive on nutrition, I am mega-sensitive on any pharmaceutical product and on and on.
Was it the even the reason for my MS?
Or did I become so sensitive because of my condition? What was there first, the chicken or the egg?
I am not the only one
Basically every other MS-patient I got to know in the years since I got diagnosed 2012 (and over the years these were quite some) had a similar attitude.
Well, I am not. After the second night with few/bad sleep, I was cruising through the beautiful 3rd world-jungle of the island of Sumba on the backseat of a local Ojek-driver (please note, its NOT a Go-jek-driver, it seems to be the precursor) and while I slowly started to realize that I am really knee-deep in an amazingly beautiful environment, I had a hard time not falling off that bike.
Unfortunately I can`t say I´d be happy to see you again. I dont know what I can blame for it, I guess its still my lack of social interactions
Gurujis daughter meant I might have “the soul of an eagle” in one of our whatsapp-conversations which is a beautiful thought, but I don´t think she´s right. I need contact with humans like water to drink.