Fighting my MS – My left Leg

My left Leg

Or better the left side of my body is my weak spot. Standing on my right leg is quite okay, but on my left leg I cannot even stand in the pool longer than some seconds The MRI once showed me having lesions on the right side of my brain and I guess that is the reason for my weak left side. My balance would be a whole lot better and my walking distance bigger without my bad left side.

News about my left Side

I don’t know if its related to the healing massages I am getting, to my swimming or to the fact that I am kicking off with my left leg every time I take a turn when swimming, but today it definitely felt better. Of course I don’t know how long it will last, but it felt really good today.

The Healing-Journey continues

Meanwhile I had my second treatment by the healer  and it hurted fewer. I don’t really know why, The Healerbut the pain got fewer and, much more important, I feel better. Still it is a long way to go, but I definitely feel better.

A second healer(? she actually doesn’t deal with any magic, if thats what defines a healer) came in out of nothing. I just stepped out of my apartment and met an old woman who saw me walking hard, touched my back on some sensitive places and offered her service. Needless to say she doesn’t speak or understand a word of english, but meanwhile that doesn’t surprise or shock me anymore.

I had two massage-sessions with her now and will continue, because it feels right (and it hurts!)

MS-Healing: My Summary of the First Healing Session

As mentioned before I am having kind of a good feeling with the healer I saw almost a week earlier. His treatment wasn’t pure torture and he seemed to understand how good swimming feels to me. Very interesting to me was the fact, that he AND the balinese healing man I saw before him said they felt my nerves seem hard (sclerotized?), not soft as they usually seem to be and  blamed the interrupted blood flow for many of my symptoms. Anyway today I will see him again and I am looking forward to it.

Did he heal my Multiple Sclerosis?

No, or better: not yet. In my case the disease has built up over maaany years and the treatment might has  to go on for a long time. Unfortunately in my opinion there doesn’t exist anything which can heal MS over night but this might be another important step on the way. I´ll have to wait and hope for the longterm effects of (in no particular order) swimming, the healers treatment and the changes my mind is going through nowadays. For  some  days, my left side felt better anyway.

What happens next?

I will ask him for regular appointments twice a week., lets hope we will be able to keep this process ongoing. By giving him 100k of Indonesian rupiah last time and according to Oki, I have set a price standard for his future treatments and this is even for my poor budget a quite reasonable price. I will keep you updated.

Galungan & Kuningan are coming up

Galungan Street DecorationAnyway Galungan is starting (actually today, the 30th of may) and the streets are decorated with beautiful decoration (“penyor”, “dragons”) and great tasting dishes like “Lawar” are on the local menu. So selamat hari raya to everyone!



Trying the Healing Pt. 3

Two days ago I had my third appointment with a local person considered to have healing knowledge and can maybe help me.Even though he wasn’t specifically balinese (a muslim, so probably he’s from Java), for the first time I am having a good feeling. I had 2 healer-sessions before, but I guess like with doctors in the western world it can take time to find the right one for you. He doesn’t speak a word of English, so Oki had to translate (again).

The Healer Arrives

He, the healer, was scheduled to arrive at some time between 2 and 3 pm at Okis tattoo-studio where the first treatment-session was supposed to happen. Well, in Bali time and appointments are kind of flexible, so it was no surprise to me, that 2 scooters with 3 persons arrived at 3:30 pm. One of these 3 persons was the healer.

The Treatment

All of us 5 said hello and sat down in the studio. All of them, including the healer, were dressed quite good and very western. I was a bit scarred, because I knew, that a big  part of balinese healings are massages and the healer always has fingers made of iron and good healers know where to press. This freakin hurts!!!

I consider myself not to be a sissy, but in the 2 earlier healing sessions I had, I was literally screaming from pain. My first treatment some weeks earlier  (with an old, blind man) lasted 2 hours and in the western world I am sure that a worried neighbor would have called the police because of my screams.

This healer scared the shit out of me, because he looked well exercised and  like a very strong, though friendly and smart man. He didn’t spend that much time on my feet like the others did, but when he took a small bottle of oil out of his bag, I expected the worst again and I was right, he started hurting me. From my legs (with focus on my problematic left side) over my back and upper body right over to my arms, but after maybe 30 minutes he stopped.

The Healers summary after the first treatment-session

According to Okis translation, he stopped because he said he doesn’t need and want to hurt me more (yet, thank god). He also said, he felt my nerves were very hard, not soft as nerves usually appear to him and, like the 2 other healers before him, that there seems to be a problem with my blood-flow. Than he sent Okis son Wayan to buy some water. When Wayan returned with the water, he asked me to write down my name and started to sink in a deep, praying trance withe the water bottle and  the paper with my name.

The End of the first treatment session

While the healer was doing that, Oki and the healers friends were still chatting, smoking and laughing next to the healer, but he obviously didn’t notice them at all. When he was done blessing the water, he asked me to drink it.

Opposite to the first 2 healers and to my relief he encouraged me to do a lot more of swimming and yoga. While his predecessors advised me not to go close to cold water, his advice was different.

Than the 3 of them were preparing to leave again with the recommendation of weekly treatments from now on. My question for his salary, he answered with “what your” (so my) “heart says” which ended up by me giving him 100k (= ca. 6 €) (which is quite okay, considering it was my first session with him.)

My summary of this, the 3rd healing session, will follow asap, stay tuned.

MS-Theories Pt.4 – A Manifest

This posting won’t be prominent, as I am having my own theories for MY form of Multiple Sclerosis. Feel free to comment, but don’t expect me to reply to any comment. In 20(?) years with this disease and 6 years after the “official” diagnosis, I have built up my own perspective. Maybe not popular, but MY explanation and MY thoughts on MY disease.

The Cause

Not just in my case, the origin of MS is psychic for me. I am seeing the starting point lying in extreme phases of psychic stress (no matter if it was professional and/or private) and in a special form of personality that in my opinion many patients are having in common.

This stress is taking overhand and manifests in the body. When we see a Doctor about it and get the diagnosis “Multiple Sclerosis”, the stress-factor gets even worse, because we have to realize, that modern medicine can’t help us.

After the Diagnosis

Myelin declines and the disease is getting worse. No help, no pills, no therapy will help us to get out of this misery. We have to find our very own, individual way to get out. That is not easy, in fact its freakin hard.

The potential Way-Out

I hate to say it (I really do), but everyone of us has to find her or his own way. In my theory calming down ones nerves is an important step. Nobody can tell us how to do that, but in my experience meditation, diet and sport are good ways to  get closer to it.

There are thousands of ways to meditate and again its only you who can find your way. The good news is, that there are quite some people we can use as role models. The people I am seeing as an inspiration for myself are Prof. Dr. George Jelinek and Sven Böttcher (among count- and nameless others)

Maybe its most important to realize that its not our finale destiny to end up in some wheelchair and accept it. Its important to see it as maybe  the biggest challenge of our lives, even change our personality if necessary and to not give up the fight.

The answer and the potential solution lies within ourselves and has to come from inside.