Small adjustments of the truth

If you ask a local person “Possible?” and the expected answer is as simple as “yes” or “no”, you might not get a true answer. The answer you might get is the answer that the person you asked thinks(!) you want to hear.

Why?

Probably its an act of politeness or even respect, but the answer is not necessarily true in a western meaning and I am a westerner.

Let me give you an example

If u ask how a third person is doing and the asked person thinks you are really interested in the wellbeing of the third person, you will probably get the answer “she/he is doing good” – even if the third person is quite sick.

Whats your problem with something minor like this?

My personal problem with such a minor adjustment like this is that I am really having a problem in building up trust and adjustment after adjustment is making it extra-hard for me to trust.

What does this have to do with Multiple Sclerosis?

The MS shook me in my foundations. The diagnosis literally took away the base that I was standing on and left me in a free fall. Loosing something quite essential like my ability to walk, slowing down my previously rather eloquent tongue and so much more.

So I long for trust – maybe more than ever before in my life.

It sounded so true and easy

I mean Gurujus way out of this disease, but on days like today, I am afraid of not being strong enough. “Show compassion”, “learn to love yourself” and meditate.

Sounds easy, right?

Modern science and personal role-models confirm it and I know all of them are true. The key to it all is in my head but in the last time it all just got too much. I feel like I can’t stand it anymore and so often I feel like giving up.

You’re really going back?

Going back to Germany, getting a wheelchair, giving up the sorrows about money, giving up the worries how to get food and going the easy way. At the moment, I really don’t know.

Bali – the island of lies?

Maybe its just me and a decent form of paranoia, but I think Bali changes quite fast and not to a better. All the lies, all the business, all the broken promises and everything else that came along corrupted that once so beauty- and peaceful island.

I blame money as the root of all evil and decided to move on. The island of my choice so far is Sumba.

A short story about complaints

We as western raised and educated people like to complain and we do it quite often. Indonesian people don’t. It doesn’t seem to fit in their mentality.

Upsides of Complaints

They don’t seem to see the “benefits” of it. To me, an upside of complaints are

a) improvement
b) evolution of the current state on mid-term sight
c) releasing “pressure”

Downsides of Complaints

The rather huge downsides are

a) negativism (!!!)
b) loss of the ability to help oneself

I am used to complain and complain quite a lot, which keeps on bringing a lot of negativity in my life and I realize I want to get rid of this habit because all the negativism in that is dragging me down.

A matter of Trust

In my case, trust is of major importance. In Kuala Lumpur I realized it. Trust in people and situations gives trust me and strongly affects the symptoms of my multiple sclerosis.

One rather cloudy and dark day I wanted to leave my “condo” in KL to get some food, but I broke down after some meters already and had to cancel my idea.

my condo in KL short before the rain sets in

Meanwhile I started to understand it was my distrustfulness. Maybe even more than my disease.